I came across this one while scrolling through the “1990’s Comedy” section of Tubi, and it was the cast list that got me to hit play: Hail Caesar (1994) features Anthony Michael Hall [Weird Science (1985), Sixteen Candles (1986)], Robert Downey, Jr. [Iron Man (2008), Back To School (1986)], Frank Gorshin [Batman (1966)], Judd Nelson [The Breakfast Club 1985), The Dark Backward (1991)] and Samuel L. Jackson [The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996), Pulp Fiction (1994)] all in one film. How did I ever miss this?
Anthony Michael Hall stars as “Julius Caesar MacGruder”, orphaned son of archaeologists, wannabe musician and hapless loser. Julius is in a band going no place and in love with a girl named “Buffer Bidwell”. Buffer’s dad owns a pencil factory and hates Julius, so he makes a bet that if Julius can’t earn $100,000 in 6 months, he must never see Buffer again. To make sure he wins, Bidwell provides Julius a $7.00/hour job on the assembly line at his pencil factory. Let the hilarious hijinks begin. The basic plot device is a variation of what we’ve already seen in Easy Money (1983) and a dozen times in assorted Brewster’s Millions (1902) adaptations over the past century.
Well, not really. Hall attempts some physical comedy, but nothing we haven’t seen 8,000 times in old Three Stooges shorts or a hundred other old vaudeville acts. His character bungles his way into managing the factory, then discovers Bidwell’s plot to detonate pencil bombs at a world peace rally (what??), barely survives an assassination attempt, lands in prison, then becomes a millionaire and trades Buffer for a relationship with his bass player. And then the band gets a record deal, and they all live happily ever after. And yes, it really seems to all happen that fast, and without reason. The millionaire bit is as absurd as Bidwell being a terrorist, and the love story with the bass player is never given a thought until the very end of the film. This is storytelling at its most inept.
What makes this even stranger is that, apparently, the film is based upon a story by Mark Twain.
The plot is profoundly stupid, and maybe (just maybe) Hall bit off a bit too much starring in his directorial debut. His acting is stiff, often looking like he’s got better things to do in the next room, but he does manage to include his entire repertoire of silly character voices. Yeay.
The biggest shame about this movie is the wasted star power. Frank Gorshin and Robert Downey, Jr. both shine in their roles. They’re ridiculous, over the top weirdness incarnate (likely drug-fueled in Downey’s case), but both only have brief scenes in the film. Sam Jackson’s talent isn’t used to its potential in a weird sub-plot about the mailman and Julius’ dog that felt tired before it started. The whole character felt like a throwback to Dudley Dickerson’s many characters in the Stooges reels (just a hapless black man who falls prey to the silly antics of the white hero), but Dickerson did it better. There’s also a cameo by Robert Downey, Sr., but he doesn’t have any onscreen lines. Wasted. Hall would have made a better film if he’d diminished his own screen time, let his friends off the leash and just filmed them being strange in their roles a lot longer. I’m sure that’s what Twain would have wanted. Judd Nelson’s appearance is so brief and inconsequential, it isn’t even worth mentioning.
Watch it for Frank Gorshin and Robert Downey Jr.’s odd character outbursts. Watch it for Jaime Cardriche’s [“Malcolm & Eddie”, “Family Matters”] great delivery of the best line in the movie: “I’m a beat you like you stole my cookie!”. But don’t watch it thinking you’ll laugh all the way through. Overall, it’s a dreadful failure of a flick, like being trapped in a dark basement where, every now and then, someone flicks the lights on for a brief moment.
